Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
