What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my sisters under your porch take her home
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
