You're my little dorito
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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