Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
