I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
