i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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