Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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