But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize