I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My penis needs a shock collar
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
