I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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