apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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