My hand turned me down
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
