how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize