did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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