I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
