i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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