Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
