allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
