took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
