ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
