his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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