And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
