i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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