wake up i wanna do it froggy style
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
