Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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