i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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