I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
