Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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