david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
