Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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