The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
