My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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