he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like abortions should bother me more
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
