Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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