I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
