never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
