I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
