this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
