I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
