Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
