so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
