no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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