I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
