so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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