she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And then my night got REAL pukey
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
