I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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