Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
