I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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