They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
