just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
