Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Blood and glitter go together right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
