Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
