Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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