This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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