You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
