you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
