Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
