I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
