Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
