you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry about my life...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize