he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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