That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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