I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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