the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
