Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
