you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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