Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
