If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
