I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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