He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
