I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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