in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
