I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
