I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
