shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
this is an emotional support booty call
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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