K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize