I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
