Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize